That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
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I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
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Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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