i don't plan on having that self control this summer
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Randomize
