3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
I'd cum for enchiladas.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
