Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
Randomize
