I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
I am mentally ready for anal.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
