That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Randomize
