very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
