i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
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