smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
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