I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Randomize