Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
