go do what you do best...puke behind churches
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Randomize
