I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Randomize
