I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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