If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
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