I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
it's great music for shaving your balls
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Randomize
