Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
