yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
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