Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
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