I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
