I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize
