Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
Randomize
