no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
You ruined the universe
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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