dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
God gave him joint rollers for hands
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
