She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
