just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
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