He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
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