I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
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