What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
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Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
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Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
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