New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
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