Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
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