She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
