I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
