I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
you would pick up someone in the library
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
