Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
