mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Randomize
