"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Randomize
