peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
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