I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
