I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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