Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
it's like heaven, but drunker
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
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