the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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