I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
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