Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
