Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
