This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
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