My girlfriend figured out who you are.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
