i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Be still, my beating vagina.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
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