So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
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