I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Randomize
