She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Randomize
