bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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