i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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