I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
Randomize
