It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?