"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.