In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water