i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
