Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
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