Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
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