I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
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