her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
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