I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
I'd wear matching sweaters with you
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
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